Anonymous asked:

why does siarra hate you now

tiny-rosehips-deactivated201404 answered:

Well I’d hope she doesn’t.

Honestly I’ve had no idea what to say to anyone and I’ve had a text message prepared for her but I’ve been too fucked up mentally to send it so this is going to present me with the opportunity to say something about myself.

When I’m really depressed, and I mean fucking on the brink of suicidal and self harm kind of depressed, I recognize that and feel the need to step back from the real world and relationships and just surround myself with comfort.

I’m sad. Really sad. And how I cope with my sadness, is I like to spend time by myself or be around a select few people. Mostly people I don’t see often so they are almost like strangers. Hell I’ve been spending more time in the woods than at home so that’s not even the case. It’s where I literally almost spent the night but it’s too cold and we don’t own a tent anymore.

I told one person that I wanted to be alone and that I’m fine and I would have assumed they told my other friends but maybe they didn’t. I spoke to another because I had asked a question and then left it at that. If the rest of my friends can’t understand that I’m doing what’s best for me as that’s being alone right now then fine, don’t understand and leave me alone some more. But you guys didn’t do anything and I’d really appreciate if you saw that I just need some time to cope and feel better.

I may put on a happy face and take pictures of what I’m doing and get on Facebook and tumblr but be real with me, how many of you have ever “kept up with appearances”. My mom gets calls on the daily about me from my family. “She wrote this status about rape, was she raped? ASK HER AND TELL HER SHE SHOULDN’T TALK ABOUT RAPE ITS IMPROPER”. Or “hey Kenzie doesn’t leave the house or talk about anything or make status updates, is she okay?” Literally could delete my Facebook and my mom would get 49 calls or texts about how she needs to watch her oldest because something is up! I’m fucking 20. I’m not 16. I’m sad and I recognize that so I’m doing what I feel is best for myself.

It’s annoying on top of my already sad state making me really angry as well and I don’t want to bitch out anyone else…and I feel smothered on top of already feeling like I’m being drowned and so I just want to do my thing and if she wants to hate me after this explanation then there you go, this is why. But I’d hope not. She’s my best friend.



Also what’s annoying and stupid and makes me want to hit things is when people say “oh I’m SORRY. Wanna talk about it? Wanna hug?” No don’t fucking touch me or talk to me like I’m pathetic I will literally blow up. Don’t.

I honestly don’t want to talk about why I feel this way, what caused me to, and anything regarding my emotional and mental state unless I am paying you money to take advantage of a professional degree or I voluntarily come to you.

I’m really angry and sad, sorry.

Want to know whats really angering and really sad? Girls who push everyone away and shun those she called friends, if you think someone is your friend you dont just fucking shut them out completely. you don’t tell everyone 

"I'm no longer going to associate myself with any of you any longer. sorry and goodbye”

That is super immature and maybe one day you’ll realize that it’ll be too late by then.

I still love you because you helped me through a lot and i would have been more than willing to give you your fucking space had you at least given me a heads up that you needed space instead of ignoring me whenever i texted you. especially when i asked if you were ok. after 4 days of being ignored i was STILL asking if you were ok. 



im basically absolutely livid currently. 

what kind of ~best friend~ is like that. 

i understand you’re unhappy, i understand you’re depressed.

but if you call someone your best friend don’t ever fucking tell someone to tell them youre unhappy and dont want to talk to anyone. that’s fucking pathetic. I know I was not the cause of any sort of your unhappiness because i talked to you about what was upsetting you last friday before you started to blow me off entirely. 

at least be a courteous fucking person that has a fucking sense of humanity and say something. jesus fucking christ. what a fucking waste of my time. 



"I cannot believe you would block everyone just like that because you’re upset with a single person, block me, not everyone else. you seriously arent taking into consideration how much this hurts other people, including me. we all fucking care about you and wanted to just fucking know if you were ok. what is so fucking hard to understand about that? and you of all fucking people should know that i cannot stand people who blow me off and ignore me when we had made plans together,you should seriously reconsider just going and blocking everyone, its not mature at all and you’re just acting out of anger and you know it. i don’t know why you feel it necessary to just block everyone, INCLUDING ME AFTER I WAS STILL TEXTING YOU. i should have just blocked you and removed you from my life after you blew me off but i didn’t because i thought of you as my best friend. and if you cant understand that you seriously need help because you’re not even seeing that you’re just cutting ties with 3 people who DO care about you but they just want to be let in on the fact you need to have some time alone, i think any one that is a good friend to someone is going to be fucking confused and angry when the person they thought was their best friend blows off plans and also wont reply to anything they have to say for days. and only was it that you replied when i asked you to not post about me. i know you’re more mature than that. please stop over reacting over such minuscule stuff. "

"Thanks for the continuance in ignoring. but whatever. you clearly never considered me a best friend or anyone else a friend if you can so easily just disassociate with all of us. Good luck in your life with whatever you plan on doing i guess. "



Beyond livid. fucking done with you. so fucking done. 

when you realize that you cannot fucking expect the only person you told you needed space to be your fucking messenger and for everyone to magically know you want to be left alone, you’ll eventually regret how much of a childish brat you’ve acted like. 

i wanted to help you but you fucking cut me off before i could even finish typing. 

When I had said I wanted to be left alone, do you fucking know what YOU did? You fucking came to my house and barged into my bedroom to fucking make sure i was ok. so fuck you, you’re a hypocrite.