Well I’d hope she doesn’t.
Honestly I’ve had no idea what to say to anyone and I’ve had a text message prepared for her but I’ve been too fucked up mentally to send it so this is going to present me with the opportunity to say something about myself.
When I’m really depressed, and I mean fucking on the brink of suicidal and self harm kind of depressed, I recognize that and feel the need to step back from the real world and relationships and just surround myself with comfort.
I’m sad. Really sad. And how I cope with my sadness, is I like to spend time by myself or be around a select few people. Mostly people I don’t see often so they are almost like strangers. Hell I’ve been spending more time in the woods than at home so that’s not even the case. It’s where I literally almost spent the night but it’s too cold and we don’t own a tent anymore.
I told one person that I wanted to be alone and that I’m fine and I would have assumed they told my other friends but maybe they didn’t. I spoke to another because I had asked a question and then left it at that. If the rest of my friends can’t understand that I’m doing what’s best for me as that’s being alone right now then fine, don’t understand and leave me alone some more. But you guys didn’t do anything and I’d really appreciate if you saw that I just need some time to cope and feel better.
I may put on a happy face and take pictures of what I’m doing and get on Facebook and tumblr but be real with me, how many of you have ever “kept up with appearances”. My mom gets calls on the daily about me from my family. “She wrote this status about rape, was she raped? ASK HER AND TELL HER SHE SHOULDN’T TALK ABOUT RAPE ITS IMPROPER”. Or “hey Kenzie doesn’t leave the house or talk about anything or make status updates, is she okay?” Literally could delete my Facebook and my mom would get 49 calls or texts about how she needs to watch her oldest because something is up! I’m fucking 20. I’m not 16. I’m sad and I recognize that so I’m doing what I feel is best for myself.
It’s annoying on top of my already sad state making me really angry as well and I don’t want to bitch out anyone else…and I feel smothered on top of already feeling like I’m being drowned and so I just want to do my thing and if she wants to hate me after this explanation then there you go, this is why. But I’d hope not. She’s my best friend.
Also what’s annoying and stupid and makes me want to hit things is when people say “oh I’m SORRY. Wanna talk about it? Wanna hug?” No don’t fucking touch me or talk to me like I’m pathetic I will literally blow up. Don’t.
I honestly don’t want to talk about why I feel this way, what caused me to, and anything regarding my emotional and mental state unless I am paying you money to take advantage of a professional degree or I voluntarily come to you.
I’m really angry and sad, sorry.
Want to know whats really angering and really sad? Girls who push everyone away and shun those she called friends, if you think someone is your friend you dont just fucking shut them out completely. you don’t tell everyone
"I'm no longer going to associate myself with any of you any longer. sorry and goodbye”
That is super immature and maybe one day you’ll realize that it’ll be too late by then.
I still love you because you helped me through a lot and i would have been more than willing to give you your fucking space had you at least given me a heads up that you needed space instead of ignoring me whenever i texted you. especially when i asked if you were ok. after 4 days of being ignored i was STILL asking if you were ok.